The first thing I do every morning and the last thing I do before going in to sleep every night is to express my gratitude to the Universe. I will thank the Universe for my beautiful wife, for my awesome job, for bringing us up to the beautiful state of Oregon, and for giving me dialysis to keep me healthy while I am waiting for a new kidney.
I truly believe that if I focus on the things I am grateful for instead of the negative things in my life, that I will attract more of the good. This kind of positive thinking has been around for awhile, and it is characterized in the books Think and Grow Rich and The Secret; and in the movies The Secret and What the Bleep do We Know?!
While I don’t follow exactly the methods in any of the above referenced sources, they are inspirations to remind me that I live in a friendly, cooperative Universe if I choose to see it as such.
“The biggest decision we need to make is whether we live in a friendly or a hostile Universe.”-Albert Einstein
I am not trying to push my beliefs on anyone, but this is just how I choose to see things, and it has kept me positive and happy even with all I have been through starting dialysis and having a stroke, both at age 37.
Even though it sucks having to do dialysis, I am fortunate to have never felt any of the really bad symptoms of kidney disease. Sure, I can get pretty fatigued, but every time I go into my clinic, they always ask me if I have nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, or depressive or anxious thoughts. I have none of these!
I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past, but never about dialysis. I suffered before I started dialysis because of women and financial problems, but thankfully I now have a beautiful, loving wife, and a good paying job. I also suffered from these mental health illnesses after I had a stroke, but who wouldn’t?
Every time I do a KT/V (dialysis adequacy test) my numbers have been getting better. I attribute this to several things: a vegan diet, a positive attitude, and what exercise I am able to fit in. I now only have to do dialysis every other night, which gives me more freedom to write, meditate, and spend time doing other things that bring me joy.